The Real Cause of Why You Get in Your Own Way
The Real Cause of Why You Get in Your Own Way
From the desk of Fernanda Lind
Frustrated that (to your own standards) you’re not having work-life balance? That you’re not enjoying the success you’ve worked so hard for?
If yes, I might have just the solution for you.
This is not a ‘fake it til you make it’ or a positive-thinking boot camp. It’s not a productivity hack or a time-management tool either. What I am about to share with you is not even intuitive (maybe that’s why it’s still misunderstood by the gurus).
This is about rewiring your brain, resetting your inner software by going deep into the corners of your brain and flipping on a switch that might have been turned off for your entire life. Unlocking the hidden potential you felt was there but could never access.
This is about you ending overwhelm and getting unstuck. It’s about you not being paralyzed by the sheer amount of work and responsibility any longer and finally getting out of your own way.
It’s about you having less breakdowns and more breakthroughs.
This is for all the ultra-ambitious highly-driven women in leadership. Women in C-suite positions, senior executives and founders of successful startups, who started their journey to make an impact through their work, wanting to leave a legacy, but somehow ended up on the verge of burnout and secretly desiring to walk away from all the success they’ve had.
I want you to know that it's not your fault.
You didn’t know better. And I get it. I was you.
As a young woman working as a professional dancer, I bought the “success is earned through blood, sweat and tears” belief. Sure, it allowed me to receive not only Sweden’s biggest scholarship for young dancers but also the biggest scholarship in Europe.
That same mindset later got me through business school, an MBA, while working full time, while raising three kids…AND also being one of their best students, being offered a top job in the financial markets one year before finishing my studies (high-achiever much?).
At what cost, though?
I was constantly in “hustle mode” and couldn’t be fully present with my kids. “Mom, you’re not listening” – was my kid’s go-to phrase…
I was constantly exhausted and between the caffeine shots and the internal ‘pep-talks’, I’d find myself staring blankly into space – lost in a mental fog.
I hustled hard for the next career achievement and had neither time nor patience for my friends. “Can you please get to the point, like rally fast?” – and inwards, rolling my eyes at how people would waste my time.
I secretly resented my boss because I could feel I was barely scratching the surface, that I had way more potential, but the structure of the corporate world kept me locked in a box that I didn’t fit in…
…and that was suffocating.
At the height of my career, I managed a multi-billion dollar portfolio, traded in bonds and currencies, and spoke with the world’s most prominent investors. I was being headhunted by competitors and to say that I was successful is an understatement.
Still, I felt like I was underperforming. Still, I felt unfulfilled.
It took me ten years to finally have the insight that a successful career didn’t equal fulfillment …and that working my ass off didn’t equal more impact or influence.
I admit I’m (I was) a slow learner. But if you’re not careful, you’ll be trading your one precious life for a false sense of security and safety.
99% of people do precisely that.
They work HARDER, hustle, grind and push more…or worse,’ fake it til they make it’ hoping that one day life will feel fulfilling.
Yet, everywhere I looked for guidance, I got the same message. “You have to plan better and become more effective…that’s the trick to freedom and fulfillment” …so I became a planning ninja and executed diligently.
“No, you have to embrace your feminine side!” – the gurus said…so I unleashed my feminine energy and toned down my masculine energy… which, after a while, just felt like putting on a costume that didn’t feel like me at all.
The thing is, I didn't want to have to work so hard (oh, the effort!) to just feel OK. Because at the end of the day, that's all I wanted.
To feel OK. To feel fulfilled. To feel like all the hard work was worth something.
My greatest fear was that I’d burn down everything I had worked so hard for. Some days that’s all I wanted to do – walk away. The worst part about that was the thought of having to look my kids in the eye and say “All these years that I was not present…was for nothing” – that felt soul-crushing.
One day everything changed though, creating such a paradigm shift in my inner world that life would never be the same again.
Once you see something at a profound level, when you have an insight so BIG (and we can call it a spiritual awakening, because seriously, that is exactly what it was for me), then change happens at full speed—exponential change.
It all started with me being willing to go against conventional wisdom. It started with me making the decision that something had to change.
What surprised me most was that feeling fulfilled and balanced, and reaching my full potential, something I had strived hard for, for decades, was suddenly easier than I expected.
The hardest part was letting go of all the limitations and false beliefs I had acquired through the years—the ‘unlearning’ of our society’s idea of success and hard work.
It's just not true that the harder you work, the more success you'll have.
It’s also not true that you can plan your way to success or “think positive”-your way to success (this is the most pervasive myth out there).
I’ll show you how to eliminate the anxiety, frustration and overwhelm that comes with a high-stakes job, and I’ll show you how to get out of your own way to achieve the career and life you always wanted.
…without the burnout.
…without the hustle or the ‘fake it til you make it’ mindset.
…without sacrificing your family.
I’ll show you how to operate at peak levels even if you’ve been faking it for years.
You will learn how to dial in your mindset and harness your mental powers to create a new way of BEING and LEADING that works FOR you, not against you.
You’ll learn how to work at full speed, unleash your creativity and lead from your highest level without sacrificing your personal life.
The best part? You’ll learn how to feel FULFILLED and thrive even in the most challenging situations without having to use force or willpower.
Have you ever been told that the reason you're unfulfilled and not leading from the highest level is because you first need to find your "purpose"?
I’ve heard this a gazillion times and it always drives me mad. As if the magic of having a “life purpose” alone will motivate you to perform better. Sure, it can give you a boost but again, no, a life purpose or mission won’t create fulfillment.
On the contrary.
The frustration that can come through having a purpose and not being able to bring it to life can be devastating.
I know this might be very confronting but hear me out. The most important gift I can give you is this. The reason why you are unfulfilled and unbalanced in your work or life, is not the lack of purpose. It has nothing to do with having the wrong job or the wrong team…or that you’re running a business in a very volatile and uncertain market.
If you feel like the circumstances in your life are the reason why you are not enjoying your success or being the leader you know you can be, then let me say that this article will be one of the most important things you’ll ever read.
Do you know why you have a track record of success… yet you are overwhelmed, struggling to create balance, and frustrated?
Keep reading, and I’ll tell you exactly why.
Most leadership gurus and programs miss the point. Heck, most executive performance, stress-reduction, productivity and time management systems MISS THE POINT. They focus on the symptom rather than the real cause. Blaming the circumstances, the people, and events for causing stress and burnout. Blaming the workload or the environment for causing people to burn out.
We have systems and processes to manage all the moving parts. We have meetings and we micro-manage performance in hopes of finding what’s creating the overwhelm and underperformance. We design a ‘fun & creative’ workspace to inspire ‘stress-free’ work. Even the furniture is ergonomic and you can adjust it so that you don’t have to use a single tiny muscle if you don’t want to…just your fingers typing comfortably.
We create employees and a workforce with zero resilience that…still crash and burn in the face of a tiny adversity.
I firmly believe it's not about the workload or the fact that our to-do list gets longer or our inbox overflowing that is causing burnout and underperformance.
And yes, that might be confronting.
I’d actually go as far as to say that there’s zero causation there. Correlation for sure, but no causation.
The experts keep perpetuating the idea that we need to DO less: less work, less emails, less stress and stimuli, less demands…so we try that…and still we’re experiencing more breakdowns than breakthroughs.
Still not reaching our full potential. Still more breakdowns than breakthroughs.
The ‘experts’ are wrapped up in elaborate planning systems and project management tools and they’ve all written ‘best-selling’ books on how to PLAN and TASK your life into action. They keep perpetuating the idea that you just have to plan better. As if planning is the key to a stress-free life and high performance.
“Fail to plan, plan to fail”.
But really? Haven’t we all planned and mapped out a gazillion plans of action until…it doesn’t work. Until you revert to the same old you again.
But really? Haven’t we all planned and mapped out a gazillion plans of action until…it doesn’t work. Until you revert to the same old you again.
We look for the EXPERTS to give us the answers. Why am I overworked? Why am I stuck? Why can’t I motivate myself?
Why am I, despite my achievements, still not fulfilled?
…but on a deeper level, the question is really:
What the f*uck is wrong with me?
Why on earth, even though I've planned hard, micro-managed my time, mapped out the steps to success... I'm still not where I want to be?
So you go to a business executive coach and they give you more strategies. Do this. Do that. Manage your thoughts and think positively. A mantra should work. (No, it doesn’t).
You try your doctor instead and ask them to run tests. Maybe it’s your adrenals? Must be your hormones, right? Because it’s not like you’re not trying. You are.
You talk to your astrologer too. Sure, the answer must be in the stars.
You download to your kindle yet another’ get your sh*t together’ book and hope and pray that this new self-help modality will do the trick. Le sigh. It just creates more overwhelm instead.
You jump on the celery juicy wagon…and drink endless cups of green tea for good measure (and coffee enemas once a week of course – if we’re detoxing, let’s go full out).
NLP, EFT, YOGA, EST…puh-lease, been there, done that, bought the t-shirt.
Crystals, chakra healing and meditation on Skype sessions with your Shaman because obviously, you’re cool like that.
…and ayahuasca. Of course. Duh. You’re ‘ahead of the game’ – because that’s how WOKE AF you are.
So it’s not that you haven’t tried.
You have.
You’re not only WOKE AF; you’re TIRED AF.
So what gives?
Why on earth are we still not doing OK and why are we still not reaching personal or professional peak levels?
Because we’ve been looking in the wrong direction.
Outside instead of within. Even though this is the most simple answer, and one you probably don’t wanna hear – it’s the truth.
And you know it.
The reason why we still don’t ‘get it’ is because we lack a fundamental understanding of how the human experience actually works.
This is our blind spot. We can’t see what we can’t see.
We indulge in confusion. “I just don’t know” is your go-to answer and what’s great about that is that it keeps you engaged in the pursuit of enlightenment and fulfillment. So we stick to that as if our lives depended on it. “I actually don’t know how to fix myself” – so we keep seeking.
My best guess is you’re a highly educated person. You’re a CEO or in a C-suite position, you’re a senior executive. You’re a founder of a successful business or a leader in your field, who has already tried many different methods of self-improvement…
...and despite great professional and personal success…there are still GOALS and LEVELS that seem unattainable to you.
But you’ve reached the end of your rope with the ‘work harder and more effort’ – tactic.
Having explored ALL avenues of self-growth, religious, philosophical, spiritual, project management systems, getting things done tools…and having a black belt in EXECUTING LIKE A PRO, I get you. I really do.
BUT HERE’S THE TRUTH.
It was never about effort or willpower.
The real reason why you’re overworked, exhausted, unfulfilled and why you’re not thriving and operating at your peak level is because you have a 2-million-year-old reptilian brain inside your skull that stops you from having work-life balance, from feeling fulfilled and from reaching your full potential.
Yeah, it’s not your boss and nope, it’s not your ex. Sorry to break it to you.
It’s you.
And I can prove it to you.
The True ’Villain’ And What You're Really Up Against
If you look back at your life and your achievements. At your results and the lack of results. At the times when relationships didn’t work out, at moments when you found yourself in conflicts, at those periods when you struggled with balancing your big professional goals with your personal life.
What’s the one thing in common? What’s the common denominator?
YOU.
Ha. I tricked you, but you get the point.
It’s always been you.
The irony is that you’ve been looking for the problem in the wrong places all these years. Blaming your job, your boss, your partner, your parents, the economy, the kids…a colleague, or a friend.
Meanwhile, the real problem has been staring you right in the face every single day.
Now you know.
Trying to change external circumstances is a full-time job doomed to fail. You end up behaving like a control freak, micro-managing everyone and everything, and still, at the end of the day…you are not happier or more fulfilled. On the contrary, you are resentful and you secretly start hating those around you.
But you keep at it because you’ve bought into the idea that the more you push and grind the more success will wait for you at the end.
And the cycle goes on.
You believe this is how life is and that there is no other way.
YOU SETTLE.
You give up on your dreams. You dim your light.
You believe that joy and fulfillment are just not in the cards for you. Massive career success? Sure. But a balanced, joyful life? Nah. And the worst part? That your own reptilian brain, which operates from a negativity bias, starts stacking the evidence as to why that is true.
But it’s far from the truth. It’s all a lie.
You kinda know that, though… there's a part of you that still believes that there is another way and that' having it all' is not reserved for the privileged ones.
Imagine if you could step into a way of being that is calm and grounded no matter the chaos that surrounds you and that you are fully present at every moment, even in extremely challenging situations.
You’re present at work, which allows you to perform at peak level consistently…and you’re fully present at home, with your loved ones.
If you had the mental capacity to direct your attention with intention to whatever problem that was put in front of you…what would be possible?
Let’s take a sec to pretend you are your absolute best version of you, that version of you where your potential is unleashed and your confidence is through the roof – that nothing is holding you back and that no matter what situation you’re put in front of you’re laser-focused and at your best…would you be on the verge of burnout then and settling for less?
No, of course not.
You’d be crushing it. Regardless of the circumstance. You’d be creating at full speed, being resourceful. You’d be someone who stands out as a leader and who will lead not only yourself but others to greatness.
You’d be taking the lead.
You’d be stepping into your power and into your voice with confidence. You’d be a world-class leader, one that is worth following.
You’d be the future of leadership.
You’d be a sought-after expert that commands a premium salary. You’d know the worth your work brings, and you’d speak with certainty and integrity.
These are the kind of leaders that are in high demand all over the world. This is the kind of person the world needs.
You might be freaking out a bit here, “I’m not a world-class leader”.
Well, what if you are? What if you just haven’t discovered who you really are yet?
A new job or a new boss or a new business idea won't change anything. The only one who has the capacity for change is YOU.
You are the problem, but you’re also the solution.
I’m not implying here that you need to change your personality or be someone you’re not. Again, this is not a ‘fake it til you make it’ strategy. I’m definitely not advising you to pretend to be someone you’re not.